Until We Die7 min read

by | Apr 8, 2018 | Love Letters

I had a dream about you last night…

Well, I think it was actually this morning cause I woke up at what felt like the cliffhanger.

I don’t really remember much about it, as usual, but this time we were actually together. Like a couple…

I remember we were cuddling somewhere and your face was really close to my armpit and that made me uncomfortable cause I was worried you could smell my BO, if I had it, and that would be embarrassing. But, you didn’t seem to care… so maybe I didn’t have it.

After that, we were at an event and I had to leave to go do something work-related. And then, when I went to go find you, you were gone.

Completely gone, like we didn’t exist, and I had no way to find you, so I didn’t. But, I wouldn’t really know for sure cause I woke up before I really had a chance to look…

And, when I woke up that’s when I felt that sensation again… regret.

That’s the feeling I can’t escape…

It’s like the day I walked away from you in the parking lot at the Gateway haunts me on the daily and I can’t escape it. When I’m awake I think about you and when I’m asleep I dream you…

Which makes me wonder what the difference is between thinking and dreaming, other than the feelings.

But, that doesn’t really matter right now.

What matters to me is that this is the second dream I had of you this week and I don’t understand why.

I want to forget about you.

I’ve asked my Angels to help me forget.

I’ve been trying to check out other chicks and I’ve even been pretending I’d go on dates.

But, every time I think about meeting other people, something tells me it’s pointless… and I think that something is my heart. Cause all she really wants is you.

That’s why I can’t let you go and that’s why I dream about you sometimes. And now, it’s more frequent, which I find weird, considering it’s been a very long time since I sent you my details.

But, I guess, we can’t help what the heart wants, can we?

Or, can we?

Sometimes I wonder if we can…

Maybe we can save ourselves a lot of pain and suffering, if we look for understanding. Maybe the heart is the one that needs to see that sometimes how she feels isn’t enough to turn dreams into reality.

That’s why, when I got up this morning, I took some time to analyze the dreams I’ve been having and what I noticed was a common theme.

In all the dreams I’ve had about you, you’re always hard to find. It’s like, we can chat for a bit and then I leave for work, and then when I come back you’re gone or unavailable.

And that’s pretty much what happened in real life. So, what’s my subconscious mind really looking for?

Another chance to make things right?

Does she think that you’ll come find me if we find each other in my sleep life?

If I can stop walking away and if you would stop and let me explain… maybe then synchronicity will happen.

But, I donno why I even consider that…

I do know I tend to over analyze things and you have been overanalyzed to the millionth degree, whatever that means, I dunno really, but what I do know is that living with regret is exhausting.

But, in spite of that, I still have hope…

I know that’s crazy, but it’s all I got right now.

And it’s not even so much that I hope I find you. Or, that you find me.

It’s the hope that I can forgive mySelf for walking away from you, so I can let the regret go. If I can do that, then I think I’ll open myself up to true love.

And maybe that’s with you, maybe it’s not…

But, I do know that if I ever see you in my dreams again, I’m gonna kiss you for, like, a really long time, and then I’m gonna ask you to be my wife. Maybe then we won’t lose each other again… until we die.

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